This was originally written a few months ago and is now ancient history, but I came across it as I was seeking inspiration for an original blog, so I'm putting it on this new site for your edification and delight. It does provide a bit of an insight into the competitive spirit of my adopted countrymen.
Well it’s all over now and I’m a bit sorry to see it end, I became a bit of an enthusiast for synchronised diving and weight-lifting and although I’m no expert, I would have given all the divers perfect scores and wanted all the lifters to get those weights from on their tits, to over their heads without falling over backwards.
I have to say that some of the divers and most of the gymnasts were a tad too young for my liking, the females that is, all the males were, well too male, I suppose for me, thus proving that my sexual proclivities are bordering on normal.
I did fall in love with the whole of the Netherlands Womens Hockey Team and not a few Beach Volley-Ballers, and Track and Fielders. The swimmers left me a bit cold, but the female water-poloists all looked very cute in their funny little helmets.
Having said all that, I began to wonder what they were all getting up to after they’d finished competing. Let’s face it you’ve got 3,000+ of the world’s fittest young men and women confined together for about three weeks, there must have been a fair bit of the old ‘how’s yer father’ going on behind the ‘Birdcage’.
I read recently, that an American base in Antarctica had just received a consignment of 16,000 condoms and there are only about 150 of them wintering over there. Is freezing cold an aphrodisiac or what? Sod me! we’ll all be trying to get into the cool rooms at the local bottle shops, never mind the beer let's have a bonk!
To get your minds back up out of the gutter, I’ll get back to The Olympics, as far as I can make out the final tally of gold medals had the Chinese well in front of the USA with 51 to 36, although the Yankee Doodles beat the Chinks 110 to 100 on total medals. Giving them both bragging rights although I reckon the ‘septic tanks’ were a trifle off-pissed.
After that came Russia, Great Britain, Germany and Australia. This would no doubt have had Vlad ‘The Impaler’ Putin spewing in his borscht, but to give him his due, he had lost quite a few ‘Stans’ and other assorted territories. It probably didn’t particularly impress Angela either, now that the two Germanies are unified (and presumably drug free).
Living in Australia however, the locals are spitting chips that ‘The Pommy Bastards’ (Brits to those not in the know) got more than they did, 19 to 14 ‘Golds’ and 47 to 46 medals overall. Bugger the others, what are those shitheads doing better than us for the first time in twenty years, it’s an affront to our sporting traditions “We always beat the bloody Poms”.
To overcome this perceived anomaly one of the local papers, the equivalent of ‘The Sun’, or one of Rupert's other 'News?' Papers without the page 3 girls, came out with the following report.
“Australia is belting the UK, US, Russia and China despite what the Olympic medal tally says.
Body for body, the Aussies have outpunched every superpower in the world.
Every other nation in the tally top ten has at least double our population and China is 70 times bigger.
Only the weight of numbers has put us behind them.
When the numbers were adjusted to make the games a fair fight for everyone, we also had a a moral victory over the smug UK.”
There was a table showing that Jamaica was #1, Slovenia #2, NZ #3 and Australia #4. Where did the UK finish? Well, if you really want to know, at #20, with the US at #42 and China at #61. For what it is worth, India finished last with one gold for a population of one billion.
Don’t blame me for that, I’m just showing what has been reported in the local press, but it does get better so you’ll have to read my next posting.
Cheers for now,
SkyBlueSkull.
http://www.keith-skellern.blogspot.com
No comments:
Post a Comment