My personal sporting achievements.

For some reason, my Muse has decided that sport is the flavour of the week, having got rid of the Olympics (temporarily). We (my Muse and I) thought we would give you a bit of an insight into my own sporting achievements.

I was totally useless at soccer and cricket because of my glasses; at least that was my excuse. Anyway, to cut a short story long the Games master did the usual thing and picked the two best players and told them to pick their teams. This inevitably resulted in Me, Daffy-Don Davenport and Charlie Hulme being the last ones chosen. Daffy-Don’s only claim to fame was his ability to make an extraordinarily loud farting noise using a cupped hand and his armpit. (If you don’t believe me, try it sometime on a hot sweaty day).


Charlie must have been one of the original eggheads, he had the biggest cranium I’ve ever seen, he was a brilliant scholar and ended up getting thrown out of London University for wasting his time train-spotting. He also spent every lunchtime at school, cycling around to as many pubs as he could reach, giving them his own version of the Egon Ronay system for pints of beer and pasties.


(I have recently heard from Charlie and although he did fail the first year at Uni, he went on to graduate and became very successful in IT at Manchester Uni. Him and his wife are still cycling around Derbyshire and he still loves his trains. I’m not sure about the ale and pasties.)


That left yours truly, the last but arguably the best of the “useless trio”. I used to be pretty good at cross-country running, which didn’t involve hand-eye co-ordination and some of the best distance runners in history wore glasses. Although I must admit I can’t name any off the top of my head, so you’ll have to take my word for it.


However the smoking and drinking got to me, sooner rather than later, and my running career finally fell flat. Me and a couple of mates were caught smoking by one of the teachers. We were hiding in a quarry having a quiet smoke. We were watching the leaders passing by and waiting for a clear break in the field of runners, so we didn’t finish too high in the placings, (nothing but honest me and my mates).


The lousy, hypocritical sod crept up behind us and confiscated the smokes (he was a smoker himself, of course) He kept us behind, till everybody had overtaken us, including Charlie and Daffy Don and then let the four of us go.


We ran into the school grounds past the assembled pupils and teachers and pretended to race each other, we were all from different ‘houses’ and the crowd was going berserk. As we crossed the finish line, we all ran over together holding hands. Much to the delight of the pupils and the chagrin of the teachers.

Cheers for now,

SkyBlueSkull

http://keith-skellern.blogspot.com