Mobile Pheromones
Just in case you think that this is a typographical error, you are dead set wrong, a ‘Pheromone’ according to my dictionary is “a chemical substance secreted and released by an animal for detection and use by another, usu. of the same species”.
Now, you can make of that what you will, but my understanding is that the chemical substance being secreted is intended to stimulate sexual desire in the other “usu. of the same species”, so that they will get together for a good old fashioned bonk, to propagate the species and have a good old time while they’re doing it.
So, go figure, if this is nature’s way of attracting ‘mates’, why have we created a multi billion dollar industry to try to camouflage our natural ‘pong’, which should be attracting “usu. of the same species” by the dozen.
Thus we get to ‘Personal Hygiene’
Now, being a Pom, I can’t say that I’m fanatical about this. I believe that you should keep yourself reasonably clean, so that you don’t become overly smelly and offensive to other people, who have absolutely no interest whatsoever in procreating with you.
Let’s face it, it doesn’t make for a good start to the day, if you’re trapped in a crowded train with your snot-box stuck in somebody’s smelly armpit. This was not what Mother Nature intended at all, (let’s face it, mass transport has sod all to do with the propagation of the species, or does it?).
Of course, if you’re vertically disadvantaged and your schnozz is firmly implanted in the groin of someone of the opposite sex, pheromones can cause some very strange reactions, but we’ll leave that alone for the time being. Although you could look back at one of my earlier postings, concerning the ‘Gnomes of Zurich’ and Bernie Ecclestone, (I can’t find it, so I don’t really expect you to either. Actually for your edification and delight, I just found it and have published it on my next blog.)
To continue, when I was working in an office, I thought that it was incumbent on me to shower and shave every morning, which I did from Monday to Friday. Even then, I never went overboard and used soap and shampoo in moderation only, none of your bath gel, conditioners or any other exotica for me.
Afterwards a quick shave with a spurt of cream and that was it, no after-shave and maybe a quick roll-on of deodorant, if my fellow train travellers were lucky. I could never see the point of arriving at the office smelling like a pox-doctors clerk. After all, you were supposed to be there to do something productive, not reproductive.
I can’t really say that I was much better when I was single and went out at the weekend, on the hunt. Let’s be honest here, if nature had meant us to attract members (I use the word guardedly) of the opposite sex, she wouldn’t have invented pheromones and instead our sebaceous glands would be secreting Chanel or L’homme.
If somebody could distil Eau de Pheromone, you could throw a bucketful over your head and you’d be fighting off nubile young maidens at the local disco with a three foot piece of four-by-two. You’d probably stink like a rancid buffalo, but I don’t reckon you’d be too worried about it.
So, the point of this so far is, don’t go overboard with the showering, you’re not doing yourself any favours by destroying your natural secretions which keep your skin healthy and acne free and you’re not doing yourself any good by smelling like a sugar plum fairy (unless of course, you’re that way inclined).
With ‘real workers’ i.e. blokes who work up a bit of a sweat doing physical work, there isn’t a lot of point in showering before you go to work and then sweating your mattocks off as soon as you get there, so they generally shower at work or as soon as they get home. Unless of course, the missus is turned on by the pheromones and then they might be dragged into the boudoir, but I won’t go down that path. (I’m beginning to think, that I’m a bit of a prude!).
So there you have it, go easy on the showers. Although, I must admit that when I was in the Philippines, the in-laws were providing me with a case of beer every morning and it was so hot and humid, that I was walking around sweating like a mobile Trevi Fountain. The locals were very concerned and thought I was melting and needed financial assistance, (or maybe they were throwing coins at me and making wishes for some other reason). In those circumstances I was showering five or six times a day, (no soap mind you) and collecting the coins out of my ‘Y-Fronts’.
Finally, cleaning the old gnashers, I can’t start the day without that, even though I gave up the coffin sticks thirty odd years years ago and stopped over indulging in the grog over five years ago. My gob still feels like the bottom of a bird-cage in the morning and the second thing I do is reach for the Macleans. I leave the first thing to your lurid imaginations.
For any of you who were expecting a dissertation on ‘Mobile Phones’, I apologise. I can only say that I’m completely incapable of using them, especially for 'texting' purposes and although The Good Lady Wife has given me one, for my upcoming trip to Anglo Saxony. I have no intention of using it, apart from incoming calls, obviously from the GLW checking up on me.
Cheers for now,
SkyBlueSkull.
http://keith-skellern.blogspot.com
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