If you haven’t already guessed, or maybe I’ve mentioned it before, I am an atheist. If I was American, that confession would be like a Gay coming out of the closet, but I’m not and I probably never will be, either American or Gay, nor emerging from any closets in the foreseeable future.
Having said that, I’m not one of those ‘Hip New Atheists’, I don’t really give a raggedy dog’s arse whether you’re a ‘believer’ or not, that is entirely your decision. I realise that whatever I write is not going to change your mind one iota. As far as I’m concerned there are enough religions to go around for everybody, from Agnosticism to Zoroastrianism, choose one to suit yourself, but please refrain from trying to thrust it down other people’s throats.
Like I said at the start, I’m an atheist, which is the same as saying I’m not a ‘Theist’, defined as a person who believes in the existence of Gods or a God. Using this logic, an agnostic is a person who is not a Gnostic defined as a person usu. a Christian heretic claiming esoteric, mystical knowledge. But an agnostic is defined as (1) someone who believes that nothing is known or can be known of the existence or nature of God or (2) a person who is uncertain or non-committal about a certain thing.
Being a non-proselytising atheist can get a bit boring at times, so I wake up some mornings, feeling uncertain and a tad non-committal and decide that I’m going to be an Agnostic for the day. Most Fridays, I decide to be an a-Islamist, Saturdays an a-Judaist and Sundays an a-Christian.
Most of the time though, I’m an a-Pantheist, a Pantheist is defined as (1) a person who identifies God with the forces of nature or (2) someone who admits or tolerates all Gods. As an a-Pantheist, I don’t admit, but do tolerate any and all Gods. You could say that I’m apathetic towards the whole pantheon of them, but that would make me an apathetic a-pantheist.
If two negatives make a positive, as is widely accepted, that would make me a Pathetic Pantheist. I’m fairly certain that I don’t like that very much, but it is Sunday, so I might just partake of a few bottles of Altar Cider and think about it.
I invented my own irreligion once and called it Fosterarianism, but it has never caught on. It was quite a neat irreligion, advocating an end to Poverty, War, Global Warming and banning cars/aircraft and lots of other nasties.
I named myself the Messiah and my one and only convert was promised leadership upon my demise and descent into the Kingdom of the Worms. We were both expecting a bevy of beautiful young maidens to beat a path to the Temple/Garage door, but it didn’t eventuate.
I think the biggest problem was a lack of charisma on my part. Any Messiah worth his salt has to ooze charisma or chutzpah and I have to be honest here, a boiled turnip oozes more than I do. However, if you’re a fair young maiden at a loose end, with a fondness for boiled turnips, don’t hesitate to call.
Cheers for now,
SkyBlueSkull
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